New *Shell Phone* technology hits the street

Martha's Vineyard--known chiefly for its beaches, quaint olde towne colonial architecture, and conch and lobster fisheries--exploded onto the international stage today as a potential technology hub or, more appropriately, a "tech island." 

Local fisherman--seeing a massive decline in the local fishery over the same decades that saw the meteoric rise of the Internet and cell usage--have innovated a new communication device, which is gaining traction rapidly, especially with the Gen-Z demographic: Shell Phones (see photos below). 

"We felt it was high tide to crack the nacreous layer off the traditional cellular industry and it's crusty incumbents to expose the pearl within," says shell phone designer, Molly Crustashen. 

The clam-size device packs the same feature sets as traditional cells, but additionally shell phones may be tasted or even eaten by the user or a friend before, during, or after making or receiving calls. 

"The innovation underscores behavioral trends linking obesity and talking, nutrition and communication, and, of course, it also buttresses arguments supporting the theories of Evolution, Relativity, and Heliocentricity," says shell-tech advisor, Clam Baker, of Woods Hole. 

Below, a Gen-Z-er uses a shell phone to make a personal shell call while an older gentleman moans with hunger to try the new technology. 

 (Images provided by the Conch Fishers of Martha's Vineyard)